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DEAR ABBY: I have been separated from my husband for a year and a half. The divorce became final five months ago. He had major mood swings, and was nice one minute and hateful the next. We have two children together.

I have a boyfriend I've been seeing for about a year. We are casual, but monogamous. Suddenly, my ex is being really nice, telling me he loves me and if I "change," he'd want me to come back. He has a lot of changing to do as well, and he acknowledges that. Lately, he has been asking to come over to cuddle, he says, for some type of human contact. I doubt my boyfriend would agree this is a good idea. Sex is not on the table, and everyone knows that. What do you think? -- MOVING ON IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MOVING: I think it's a terrible idea. It isn't your job to cuddle with your ex so he has human contact. Unless you actually plan to reconcile with him, do not buy what he's trying to sell. Tell him you will always want a cordial relationship with him -- for the sake of the children -- but it's time he finds himself a girlfriend to cuddle with.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I enjoy wine and the tasting and selecting of fine vintages. We also enjoy learning more about and tasting fine spirits like single malt scotches and Kentucky bourbon. The challenge is, my wife pours whiskey like it's wine. She fills a glass halfway to the brim and drinks these spirits at the same pace she would drink wine. As you can imagine, she quickly becomes very intoxicated.

She seems unaware that her behavior changes when she's drinking large volumes of spirits. I don't think she's an alcoholic because she goes for weeks without drinking. But when she does, the amount of whiskey she imbibes makes her very drunk. There have been times at social events when I had to intervene because her behavior became erratic. This is new behavior and I'm concerned she is developing a dependence. What strategy can I take to discuss this with her? -- WHISKEY'S NOT WINE IN OREGON

DEAR W.N.W.: Your wife appears to have gone from a connoisseur to a binge drinker. If you haven't pointed out that her behavior changes after she drinks large quantities of hard liquor (how many ounces do those glasses hold?), you should. That you have had to intervene in social situations should be a clue to both of you that she can't handle the amount she's drinking.

Because this is new behavior, it should be discussed with her doctor. It could be a symptom of a physical problem or even her age. Her doctor can explain how drinking large amounts of alcohol can damage her health, safety and cognition, and recommend a path to follow. Please don't procrastinate, because this is serious.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to the same woman for 20 years. We are happy together. I have a skin condition called NF1 and have tumors all over my body except my legs and face (those were removed a number of years ago).

I still have a number of them on my arms that I want taken off. But my wife says she's happy the way I am, and when she met me, she was OK with the way I was. However, for my own self-confidence I want them gone. Should I stay as I am or have them removed? -- TORN IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TORN: That your wife loves you "just the way you are" is wonderful. But it's just as important that YOU love yourself the way you are. If you would feel happier and more confident having the growths removed, you should do it.

DEAR ABBY: Last year a friend of mine had a baby shower, which I attended, and I bought her an expensive gift. Shortly after, her baby was, unfortunately, stillborn. Rather than return the gifts or save them for a future child, my friend sold them on an online virtual yard sale. I was upset because I had spent a lot of money and, had she returned the item, I could've used it because I was pregnant. Needless to say, I didn't tell her how I felt.

Now, one year later, she's pregnant again. Honestly, I'm happy for her, but she's having another baby shower. What would be the rule of etiquette here? I want to go, but I don't feel I should have to buy her another gift. -- UPSET IN THE EAST

DEAR UPSET: It's regrettable that the gifts from the first pregnancy weren't returned to the givers or kept for a future pregnancy, but chances are that your friend was an emotional wreck after having lost her baby, and she wasn't thinking straight. If you plan to attend this shower, you should absolutely bring a gift.

A side note: While reading your letter, I recalled that although the practice is well-entrenched here, not all cultures have baby showers before a child is born. In China, Egypt and France, the celebration is held after the birth. And in Ireland, Russia and Japan, it's considered bad luck to have a baby shower before the baby arrives.

DEAR ABBY: My preteen son is friends with a boy I don't quite approve of, but I understand that sometimes bad decisions lead to future wisdom. When I can, I allow the friend to come to our house to hang out with my son because this friend allegedly has a difficult home life.

During this last visit, I noticed them hanging out a little physically closer than usual. They shared the same recliner to play video games, talked to each other using gamer tags and the like, and had what I assume were numerous inside jokes.

My husband and I would never belittle, degrade or denounce our children for being gay. We know we're from a bygone era, and we do not assume our particular values are held by our children. We have discussed it and know how to approach it from our perspective if our son announces his orientation. I'm not even certain my perception of his closeness with his friend is accurate.

My husband is more worldly than I am, and he says this kind of behavior is not unusual in the EU. Neither of us wants to address this ahead of anything occurring. We will love our son regardless and support him throughout our lives. I don't want to make him feel singled out by what may be usual pubescent behavior. My husband and I are in our 30s/40s. We live in an extremely rural area, and this is my son's only real friend. Any insight would be appreciated. -- WONDERING ON THE FARM

DEAR WONDERING: You may be jumping to conclusions unnecessarily. Sitting close to play video games and sharing inside jokes with a best friend are not necessarily signs of being gay. It is what best friends that age do. Whatever your boy's sexual orientation may be, you say you will love and support him regardless, so this shouldn't be a problem. His sexual orientation will reveal itself in its own time.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me figure out whether I've made a major mistake. I've been dating this man, "Frank," for six months. He has another woman in his life that he told me he's only a caregiver for, but then I learned he has been taking her to the lake and out to dinner.

After that, I found out she used to be a prostitute and lived with him for a few weeks and that he has been offered sex by her. He went into a panic when she was in the hospital and he didn't know where she was. He swears up and down that it's me he loves, not her. Help, please. -- COMPETING IN GEORGIA

DEAR COMPETING: Do some digging. Who is the source of the information you are being given? Is that person a reliable source, or could there be an ulterior motive? For a caregiver to "go into a panic" if his patient disappears would not be unusual.

And, while it's possible that he is driving to the lake and going out to dinner in his role as a caregiver, if the person paying the tab is him, then it's a date, and he hasn't been truthful with you. I would be interested in what you find out. Please write back and let me know.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of 40 years got mad at me after the last presidential election. I told her I didn't want to talk politics, since we voted for different candidates. She then emailed me saying she thought we should take a break from our long-distance phone calls. We had been calling each other every two weeks to catch up.

Because it has now been more than a year, I emailed her, texted her and finally left a message on her answering machine asking if she was still mad. (I did this over a period of a week.) Then I got worried, since she's in her 80s. I finally called her daughter and was told she was in the hospital recovering from heart surgery. When her daughter told her I was trying to get in touch, I received a text that read, "Not mad. Just don't want to talk."

I hate to give up on a long friendship. Her birthday is coming up. Should I send her a birthday card, or respect her wishes and give up? -- OLD FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR OLD FRIEND: Please don't jump to conclusions. People in the early stages of recovery from major surgery may not feel up to long discussions until they are stronger. By all means, send your friend a birthday card and include in it that you treasure your friendship and wish her a speedy and complication-free recovery. After THAT, the ball is in her court.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a lovely woman for 40 years. I recently found out that five years into our marriage she had an affair with a friend of ours. It lasted several weeks, during which they would meet at our house over the lunch hour.

My wife does not know this friend, having recently found religion, has confessed to me. I had suspected it for a few years. Should I tell her I know or just go on as though nothing happened? -- IN THE KNOW IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN THE KNOW: I cannot guess what justification this "friend" has given for trying to clear his conscience by telling you something that could destroy your marriage. The punishment for his guilt should have been the burden of carrying it to his grave without sharing it with you. If his confession will erode your relationship with your wife, tell her what you were told so you can talk it through.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069

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